Set Your Phasers on Stun -- Ants!

by Elaine Garnet, CIC-SIG Coordinator

Technical communicators are a brave bunch; they ask SMEs questions when no one else will; they attempt to make sense of things when no one else will try; in effect, they go where no one has gone before. They accept challenges and turn them into chances to do research and develop projects. They learn from their mistakes. In keeping with this theme, Elaine Garnet demonstrates that even the smallest things can bring a contractor to her knees. Nothing, no matter how small, can be taken for granted...even when those small things are ALIVE! 

First Contact

Debbie Kerr called me the other day and we were bantering about a few pet peeves, enjoying ourselves as usual. I happened to glance at my document and noticed a pair of antennae waving at me from just above the Help menu. I was struck silent as I tried to decide whether to brush the beast off or do the humane thing and let it be. Since I try to adhere to the prime directive, I let it be and returned to the conversation -- well, ants now became the conversation.

Invasion

The next day, and for that matter, all the days since first contact, I have had regular visits from the black and leggy invaders. They crawl across my monitor for the entire world as if they are tiny editors; they crawl across my desk, over my keyboard, my phone and even my sedentary self. I brush them away trying not to hurt them. I admit to inadvertently killing one that scurried somewhere under the 'k' key and presumably is now pulp. I'm not worried about my computer because if the electronics don't get to the ants, the radiation surely will. 

Defense Capability

The office manager who likes to curl up in my lap (he's an aged cat) will eat any crawly thing except ants. He's learned through experience that ants taste bitter. His assistant (he's a young cat) has tried once or twice to catch and eat an ant. This usually results in an unwanted deposit on the office floor. Fortunately, the dog hasn't yet noticed the ants. Either that or he considers the job description beneath him. 

War Escalates 

Lately the invasion has become more serious and I have been moved to research the problem. Know thine enemy! Environment Canada tells be these little 1/4-inch black-brown pests are Carpenter ants and they fit their name by building their nests in wood. My house has a lot of wood, and I'd like to keep it that way. The ants must go! I have fought battles with alien pests in the past. My son is currently waging a losing war with Pharaoh ants (the little brown ones) that are building sandy pyramids on the front lawn and in the driveway. However, I am pleased to say that the mice are gone. The fleas are gone. The bats are still in the eaves, but only because they are a protected species and eat mosquitoes. And, the Carpenter ants will soon have to raise the white flag. I have no option but to declare war, set my phaser to kill, and lay down some ant traps. 

The Mission Continues

In the meantime, I continue working in my little office with all my mates -- wanted and unwanted. Who knows what tiny aliens the summer will bring? Enjoy your holidays, and beware of encounters of the antennae kind.